Myself

by EDEN

 

My eyes go back and front again

 

I can’t breath

 

I can’t walk

I’m shaking

Breathing

Waiting

 

For a release

My heart pounds

My mind screams before it scatters into pieces

 

My thoughts

Boiling, almost boiling out of the pot

Boiling the lid throwing water, spilling, over-flowing

 

Tears flowing members repairing

Over and over

Sparks, jolt and twitch

 

My body moving trying to break away

Trying to tell the truth

Making squirm losing my grip on

Reality, running changing my body

 

Screaming literally

Looking for help

Help me: cry out

Help me

 

My cries fall on deaf ears

 

My cry out shuts

I can’t breath

I can’t speak

I can’t cry for help

 

My vision goes black

The last thing I see

Is what’s choking me

Myself

 

Making myself not letting out

The truth

Hating me for it, making everything black

Choking on my pride, my sadness, my fear

 

Making me

Forcing me to be happy

 

Everything is okay, it’s alright

Trying to put pieces of my heart

Repacking them, sewing the pieces back

Together weaving hearts

To what people are looking for.

 

Smashing it

Crushing it

Delousing it

 

Yet I still have my hands out for them

To hug them, to love them, ready for them

To realize I’m here for you.  No need to fight

No need to hurt, no need to lie.  I am here for you.